Work-life balance, integration, or prioritisation? Things I questioned myself after 1 year from leaving a full-time job.
Last year on September 30, 2023, I officially finished my last full-time role as a “Head of Growth Design” at Miro after 6 years in one company.
Today is a full year since then. And where am I today? I’m on a long-awaited vacation trip with my family from Russia who I haven’t seen for 2.5 years.
I was reflecting in advance on what I’d like to share on this occasion, and several thoughts popped up in my mind. These are some of the themes I’ve been constantly reflecting on in the last year:
Why we can’t be ourselves in the workplace?
Who we truly are beyond the workplace?
Work-life balance, integration, or prioritization?
I feel quite vulnerable whenever I post these reflections here. I intend to share this vulnerability and provoke some self-reflection in you. It helped me, and maybe it will help some of you. Let’s see.
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Why we can’t be ourselves in the workplace?
Recently I was reading Brene’s Brown book “The Atlas of the Heart”. She described many emotions there, and 2 particular emotions deeply resonated with me: a sense of “Belonging” and its difference from “Fitting in”.
“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are and understand your values” (we want to be a part of something bigger than just us). It’s being where you want to be, and they want you.”
“Fitting in is being where you want to be, but people there don’t care one way or another. It’s being accepted for being like everybody else”.
The difference is very thin, and at the same time very significant. If your core values differ from the group, it will be quite difficult to experience true belonging.
This reflection also reminded me of the “Motives, Values, Preferences Inventory” from The Hogan personality test I’ve recently taken.
I unpacked several things that are truly important for me to embrace in what I do and how I live my life:
Aesthetics: Attention to detail, quality, and beauty. It comes beyond work: the art of noticing beauty in interiors, food, and clothes works like creative fuel for the more business-oriented things I typically do.
Reсogntion: I don’t have to always chase this external validation. Internal supporting systems are more important than external ones.
Hedonism: Work hard, play hard, and rest enough. I was surprised I had this value, as work and career were always a bigger priority for me. However last year taught me that for a “marathon of sprints” I need to create a more balanced “work-life” integration.
Coming back to the question: Why we can’t be ourselves in the workplace?
My answer since 1 year of being on a solo path: We can’t stay fully authentic if our core motives, values, and preferences don’t overlap with the environment we’re staying in.
If the gap is very big, we will have to “fit in” instead of experiencing a true sense of “belonging”. This realization opened up several learnings.
🎯 What can we do with that:
Revisit your core values regularly.
Compare them with your company values.
Check-in with yourself: are you “fitting in” or feeling “belonged”?
If you’re shifting careers, search for places where you values will overlap with company values. Ask questions like: “What are the values you’re looking for in people who join your company?”
Build your environment outside the workplace that will reflect a broader spectrum of your values.
I love talking about this topic with guests on my podcast. Soon there will be a special episode exactly on this theme, but for now, you can listen to one of the previous authentic conversations with Jenny Chang — a fantastic woman and leader from Amplitude 🙏
Who are we beyond the workplace?
There are several things that I very much hesitated to share throughout my whole career, and even now. The things we are NOT sharing are usually the elements of one of these categories:
Age. Why are some of us so hesitant regarding that? I’m 28 year old, and this was the first year I openly announced that. My age was not something I openly shared before. I was often the youngest person in the room, so I trained myself how to look and sound older. I don’t want to fake that anymore. I want to enjoy my 20s, combining joy and wisdom, lightness and depth, and present who I am.
Origin. Where we are from originally defines a lot of cultural norms, and how we behave and build relationships with colleagues. “The Culture Map” by Erin Meyer teaches us how to build relationships with multi-cultural teams. I’m originally from Russia, and since I moved to The Netherlands 3 years ago and in combination with the situation in the world, I started hiding my origin subconsciously. However, this didn’t let present fully who I am to clients, partners, and people I meet on the podcast. Now I’m teaching myself to stay more open about all parts of my personality.
Identities. Work doesn’t fully define us. We have multiple diverse, bright, sometimes undiscovered identities that can be hard to see if we don’t have time and space to look deep inside. And even if we saw them — it’s hard to reveal these identities in front of others.
Look in the mirror — who do you see?
🎯 What can we do with that:
Don’t hesitate to share your age.
Being open about your origin and aware of behaviors that can look weird to other cultures.
Stay curious and adaptable to other cultural norms.
Uncover your other identities by looking deep inside regularly. Work shouldn't define fully who we are.
If you’re on a “solo path” or curious to explore this, check my previous article where I reflected on a fantastic book by
. By the way, he recently launched a new book “Good Work” that can be also relevant to check out.
Work-life balance, integration, or prioritization?
When I think of misconceptions around “Work-life balance”, this beautiful picture created by Jochem van der Veer.
It simply shows these 3 things:
Most people think work-life balance is an ideal 50/50 proportion. In reality, it’s never realistic and hard to achieve. If you have ever tried to stand on a physical “balance board”, you’ve probably noticed how hard it is to stand there long enough.
In reality, work is mixed with diverse aspects of our lives. We can work, rest, spend time with family, and friends, and relax, in different proportions and priorities.
However, most people prioritize work disproportionately over other aspects of life. In that case, we’re trying to squeeze all the remaining parts into a tiny time “after work”, leaving behind our true desires.
The reality is about finding something like “work-life integration” — the concept that I first found in a well-known book “Radical Candor” by Kim Scott.
Don’t think of it as work-life balance, some kind of zero-sum game where anything you put into your work robs your life and anything you put into your life robs your work. Instead, think of it as work-life integration. If you need to get eight hours of sleep to stay centered, those hours are not something that you do for yourself at the expense of your work or your team. Your work and your life can give each other a “double bounce.”
Kim Scott, “Radical Candor”
Recently I’ve read
“Thoughts on Work-Life Balance“ where she took that further and introduced the concept of “work-life prioritization”:“Think about this as work-life prioritization: some days or weeks or even months or years, work takes the front seat. At other times, personal life and family takes priority. Trying to force a consistent, equal ‘balance’ creates unnecessary stress and guilt because the reality is that life’s priorities are always shifting.”
I like combining these 2 concepts: integrating and prioritizing certain areas:
work, rest, art, yoga, cooking, relationships, and more time with myself.
So for the next week, I’m going to REST. This will be my priority for this time, and I will not post on social media. I prioritize precious time with my family who I haven’t seen for 2.5 years.
Looking forward to getting back with fresh thoughts and in full bloom 🌿
This is all for today, dear readers. If you found this helpful — please share your feedback in reactions and comments, it would give a huge support for me to continue creating this 💜
With best regards,
Kate Syuma | Connect on Linkedin →